he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
