did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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