there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I die, sorry about rent.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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