Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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