I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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