i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
