when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
