Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
