We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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