You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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