I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
