I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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