so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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