whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
