I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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