Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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