Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
