Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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