The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
