It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
