Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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