he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
