He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
