he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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