I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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