Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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