This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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