we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
