How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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