thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
