Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
