its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
