Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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