Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
