just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The Olympian is in my bed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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