I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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