Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
