I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
