Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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