I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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