I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
