just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
