Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.

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  (248): the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease. http://tfl.nu/67d8
  Replies (1) Good night (1127) Bad night (533)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...

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  (631): I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms... http://tfl.nu/vz7o
  Replies (27) Good night (1742) Bad night (2338)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

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  (870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call" http://tfl.nu/7z02
  Replies (29) Good night (9964) Bad night (859)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...

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  (484): Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age... http://tfl.nu/y336
  Replies (63) Good night (3683) Bad night (2623)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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  (847): She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing. http://tfl.nu/qwo3
  Replies (15) Good night (2136) Bad night (4261)
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  (562): View more from California

  Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.

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  (562): Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont. http://tfl.nu/ey1g
  Replies (14) Good night (833) Bad night (3438)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

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  (205): After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok. http://tfl.nu/maiz
  Replies (20) Good night (4882) Bad night (1263)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him

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  (201): He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him http://tfl.nu/dx9z
  Replies (13) Good night (1621) Bad night (2800)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.

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  (501): Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread. http://tfl.nu/0vqb
  Replies (7) Good night (3523) Bad night (997)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded

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  (406): well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded http://tfl.nu/5ng8
  Replies (3) Good night (1852) Bad night (813)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Wheres my essay?

  (415): View more from California

  You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?

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  (410): Wheres my essay? (415): You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway? http://tfl.nu/m6g1
  Replies (8) Good night (889) Bad night (2102)
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  (323): View more from California

  I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.

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  (323): I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity. http://tfl.nu/wqm4
  Replies (6) Good night (1843) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.

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  (502): Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain. http://tfl.nu/4o3l
  Replies (3) Good night (394) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough

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  (+44): He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough http://tfl.nu/6ovf
  Replies (5) Good night (463) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We will go to karaoke

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me

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  (603): We will go to karaoke (1-603): Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me http://tfl.nu/bhpl
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (478)

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