Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit