So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Michael Bay diarrhea
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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