I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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