This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
