I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
