I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
