We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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