Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
