Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
