So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
