I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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