don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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