we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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