there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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