ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just cut my nipple shaving
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
