Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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