if only i could text you this smell
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
