I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
