I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
