Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
