He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
