At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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