She announced her abortion via fbk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
