Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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