I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
