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peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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