I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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