It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
...so i touched it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
