Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
